Why Are You So Insecure?

Romance is sweet.

Love and happiness are pure bliss. But what happens to it?

After a few months of romance and a taste of bliss, something or "someone" goes wrong.

Suddenly, romance, love, and happiness are not enough. Or is it too much?

At the risk of sounding one-sided, I would venture to say it's usually the man who tires of the relationship.

New love and romance are like a "drug binge" for most men (not all, but most).

They spend weeks at a time absorbing each other's breath and feeling each other's heartbeat, nothing else. Then when they burn out, they have to "get away" from each other, much like an addict burns out on a binge, and then he has to go somewhere and sleep for a week.


Once, I heard someone say:

"Women are to men what shoes are to women...they have to have a pair to match a special outfit, even if they don't wear them but once and give them away after that." 

I found that remark disturbing because to me, they compared women to a pair of shoes. That analogy might work, except for the fact that a pair of basic pumps can't get pregnant and give birth to a baby pair.

Anyway...

The guy went on to say:

"Men don't get all mushy and emotional in a relationship. That's one of the problems women have because they don't understand that. They think we don't care or that we're not sensitive to their feelings. And it's not that at all."

He grew to despise his fiancé of three years. According to him, he "got tired of being accused" of things he didn't do.

Of course, I asked him if he ever wondered "why" she felt he was guilty of something? Or if she was a typical twenty-first-century young woman who grew up without a father and developed emotional dependency issues.

Either way, it was important for him to know how crucial his treatment of her was and is. People who are bruised and battered need healing--not more bruising.

A "Courtship" Reveals Signs of Abusive Propensities That are There All Along

We don't have "courtships" anymore.

Having a courtship was the old-school method of finding out who you're dealing with and if you wanted to continue building a relationship with them.

A courtship is a slow process of learning a person's emotional state, their mental state, what kind of temperament they have; are they fun to be with or an awkward "drag" to be around?  

We don't learn those things in advance, and that's why there are so many abused women and children living in shelters and hiding out in secret locations.

Women today meet guys this minute and move in with them the next. There's absolutely nothing healthy about that. 

Do you even know who he is?

And to be fair, we could level the question and ask him, "Do you even know who she is?"

The point is, women wear "romantic blinders" and can't see the dark shadow when it appears. When we do see it, we're in too deep and afraid to leave or make him leave.

The point is, something is dangerously wrong with both men and women. 

We are so broken; we don't know where all the pieces are. Fragments of our "true self" are spread out over years of endurance, beginning with childhood. If we're honest, we'll admit that we never got over the very first emotionally painful experience we endured.

Don't confuse the term "endurance" with "overcoming". There's a difference.

Those who endure and survive abuse have to also overcome it in a separate, equally painful moment.

Article was written by Peggy Hatchet James
Copyright © 2015